Survey ran during September 2026. Forty men responded; 37 gave permission for their comments to be included in the published findings.
Most menopause conversations are aimed at women. I wanted to hear from the men around them. So I asked.
Most respondents were supporting a partner, and most were aged 45 to 64. This was a small, self-selected group, so read it as a snapshot. Some clear themes emerged.
1. Many didn’t understand what was happening
Understanding what was happening was the most commonly selected difficulty (46%).
When asked what they wished they’d understood earlier, many gave a similar answer: what menopause is and what to expect.
2. Step in or step back?
46% said they felt helpless when she was struggling. 41% said they didn’t know when to give space and when to step in.
“Supporting my wife through menopause has been tough, I wish I’d known sooner what a wild roller coaster ride it is so that I could have been more prepared.”
And what seemed to be the right answer kept changing.
“Understanding what was required was fluid over time.”
3. It affected them too
59% said supporting someone through menopause affected their own wellbeing or daily life. Of the 11 who said their relationship or communication changed, 9 also said it affected them.
Only 16% said having someone to talk to about their own experience would have helped.
“The broad impact that menopause would cause to the mental health and wellbeing of both spousal and children relationships within the family.”
4. They asked for practical help
The most commonly selected request was practical guidance on how to help (54%). Next was guidance on what to say and what not to say (43%).
Some memorable advice came from the men themselves.
“It’s not you, it’s the conditions."
“There’s no set time duration or end date.”
5. Not everyone found it hard
Two men said the experience had a positive impact. One said he came to admire his partner more as he watched her find her own way through it.
“Good humoured stumbly communication was the key.”
What helps
These suggestions draw on guidance from the Australian Government, Jean Hailes, The Menopause Charity and NHS inform.
- Know the timeline. Perimenopause often begins in a person’s 40s. It lasts 4 to 6 years on average, but can last between 2 and 10 years.
- Know the common signs. These include irregular periods, hot flushes, night sweats and fatigue, as well as low mood, anxiety and forgetfulness.
- Ask, then listen. Try “How are you feeling?” or “What would help today?” Listening often helps more than advice.
- Offer small, specific help. Something like “Would you like me to make a cup of tea?” or “Do you want some quiet time?”
- Let her set the pace. She may not want to talk about every symptom or feeling.
- Don’t take every mood personally. Some mood changes may be related to menopause, but not all of them.
- Take something off her plate. Menopause can arrive when caring, work and household pressures are already high. Look at what you and the rest of the family can pick up.
- Go to appointments if she wants you there. It can help to be part of the conversation about treatment options.
- Be patient with intimacy. Find other ways to be close.
- Look after yourself. Talking to other men who’ve been through it can help. So can a counsellor.
Where to find reliable information
International
UK
Australia
- MensLine Australia, 1300 78 99 78 (free, 24 hours)
Outside Australia, look for a relationship counselling service or men’s helpline in your own country.
Books written for men
I haven't read these myself so can't comment on how good they are but they do get good reviews.
- Burning Up, Frozen Out by Joe Warner and Rob Kemp
- Men... Let’s Talk Menopause by Ruth Devlin
- Menopause Wingman – The Emotional Handbook for Partners by Michelle A. Hardwick
What I take from this
Most menopause support is aimed at the woman going through it, and it should be. But these answers suggest the person beside her might need some support too. A basic understanding earlier could make a real difference for both of them.
Thank you to every man who took the time to answer. Your answers will help me have better conversations with the people I work with in midlife.
What 40 men told me about supporting someone through menopause